Journal Entry: Sat Nov 29, 2014, 8:08 PM
I haven't said anything about this lately, but I have been experiencing some wonderful things lately.
While I probably won't go into a whole lot of detail here today, I felt it was time for an update.
As most of you know, I do not belong to any one religious or spiritual group. Also, many of you know I created my own pantheon of deities. (I posted a journal about that ages ago.) along with these things I consider myself to be an "Animist" meaning I believe that EVERYTHING has a soul/sentience, even things that cannot move or speak(trees, rocks, machines)
I also would say that I am Taoist/Zen (not Buddhist Zen)
a few years ago I defined my personal beliefs as "Cosmic Alchemystic" which I explained somewhere along the lines as meaning "Cosmic perspectives of the spiritual and physical worlds, insights and knowledge that can be gained to personal transformations and change."
that much is still true.
but some older concepts I have explored in more depth than ever before.
inlcuding: astral projection, other dimensions/alternate lives, the Gate and Void, what consciousness is, what the "human experience" is and several other concepts and thought-forms like these.
everything in my spiritual life becomes so much a part of my everyday life and manifests in every aspect of my life, including home, relationships, career and art.
many belief systems, particularly magickally inclined ones such as "Wicca" or some forms of Paganism, emphasize a separation between the mystical and the mundane. One of the fundamental foundations of Cosmic Alchemysticism is that the "mystical" or "unseen forces" are in fact the foundation of the mundane. (this is actually proven with science... no one can SEE an atom or electron, but they can see it's effects or manifestations) In Cosmic Alchemysticism is based in logic and science as well as faith. "Faith" itself is the 'trust in what is unseen' the faith of Cosmic Alchemysticism is attained through trial, not blind following or presumptions. Everything in which I believe I have put to the test and proven time and again... if I cannot prove it to myself, I do not accept it as absolute. However, this does not mean that I am closed off to new ideas or ideas that I may be unable at this time to see outward manifestations of.
For instance, my first "mind-blowing" thought occurred when I was around 9 or 10 years old- while I was on the throne(this is where I got the expression "Bathroom Philosophy" and toilet epiphanies from.) this thought was about "What is God like? What came before God?" I pondered it for a few moments trying to wrap my mind around it... the funny thing is, despite my Christian upbringing, the first thing that appeared in my head was a vast expanse of- NOTHING... as though for a few fleeting seconds I entered the dimensional region I would later call "the Void" being as young as I was, I dismissed it until more recent years, where I could look back on this realization and say, "Yeah, that's about right."
more specifically, these days I have come into realizations about the nature of dualities, and the very essence of what makes something SOMETHING and nothing NOTHING. The very concept of these two things is impossible for the human mind to fully imagine, considering that true nothing is exactly that. Yet it is that NOTHING that makes everything possible. Whatever model you choose to use for example, or whatever name you choose to call it- these concepts are universal.
one of the concepts dealing with "God" specifically, and for disambiguation I do not mean "deity" I mean "the Is, All-one, Source, Alpha/Omega, etc." that I have been pondering is the "Big Bang/expansion-contraction" model of the universal existence. Recently I was shown a model that mirrored this divergence/convergence model, and it brought me a new understanding of this once "out of my reach" concept.
in my personal understanding of this universal model it would be something like:
divergence=Void convergence=Gate(Akashic realms/physical worlds)
this mirrors the scientific model perfectly(when you actually consider the details, which I am not about to go into here)
to answer age-old questions:
Do I believe in "God?"
Yes. But Deities/Divinities are NOT themselves the Cosmic model(though like Cosmo they may REPRESENT a Cosmic model)
Do I have faith in theories of science?
Yes. as I explained above science is a large part of my personal understanding.
Do I believe in "Magick?"
Yes. Magick is the "law of attraction" in action(no rhyme intended) See below for more info.
Do I attend rituals/sabbats/etc?
No. not public ones at least. my "rituals" or "spells" are geared more towards specific personal aims, such as transformation and gaining understanding.(this is where the "Alchemist" part comes into play) I use herbs and crystals for their medicinal and energetic properties, which have been proven much the way acupuncture and other "mystical" practices have been proven.(acupuncture has even become a semi-mainstream practice in America) although in my journey I did focus quite a bit on "spell-work" I now focus more on ways to align myself with particular energies in order to manifest changes.
*this has included meditation, herbal baths, herbal teas and supplements, making "mojo bags" and "manifestation boxes"(manifestaion boxes, or boards, are intended to focus the mind, and therefore it's energies subconciuosly towards aspecific goal. this works great for mundane achievements such as landing a new job, getting a promotion, losing(or gaining) weight, finding a house or car, and other similar worldly things-I'll do an article on this at a later time)
I do celebrate holidays, including Samhain/Halloween, Yule(winter solstice, and subsequently 'Christmas' though I am not celebrating it as the birth of Christ because according to historians, Christ wasn't actually born in December.)
Ostara/Spring equinox, Summer solstice, and fall equinox. (I do celebrate "New Year's" as in the beginning of the calendar year, but the in the "nature year" I celebrate Halloween as New Year's)
Do I believe in "spirits" aliens, etc?
YES. of course I do. and I have enough evidence both personally and scientifically to back this up.
I have had many encounters with ghostly beings, other dimensions, spirits and other manifestations of energy.
Now, everyone that knows me, knows that I believe that everything has a soul INCLUDING and especially machines.
why specifically did I align myself with their energies?
for as far back as I can remember I have been very sensitive to the vibrational frequencies of the "commonly unseen"(such as ghosts or other dimensions) most kids are at a very young age, but I retained this sensitivity for a much longer period, enabling my older mind to explore these experiences as I developed. A lot of this has to do with my personal psychological development, particularly in my very early childhood.
Early on I underwent a number of surgical procedures and medical processes (my parents wanted me to be able to see, after they discovered I was born blind with glaucoma) for a child unable to do any more than scream and wet it's diaper this can be EXTREMELY traumatizing. It explains many of my quirks, including my alienation from others, my dislike of clingy clothing, my loathing of crowded places, and my OCD obsession with "control" (there are a few recent posts which mention this) because I had no control, and no say in what happened to me then(which permanently traumatized me) I have had this need for control over my environment. Many of my bad habits I have conquered through logic, and training myself to think outside the OCD.(that part isn't easy and usually takes the shit hitting the fan before I get it) even still I have a personal struggle with this obsession with "control"-- recent experiences have been very helpful in my conquering the OCD obsession, but have not by far, cured me of it... once I conquer one scenario(or fail to conquer it and learn the lesson the hard way) a new manifestation of my OCD appears.(this is part of what defines a disorder versus a singular tendency)
... anyways.... this sensitivity has lead me down some strange paths, some have been dead-ends... other have been enlightening experiences. One of the more enlightening paths I have traveled is the one that I am traveling now, which is a culmination of my past experiences. Specifically this: because of the psychological development I mentioned above I have a deep understanding of those beings that cannot move or speak for themselves. (Trees, stones, etc.) Particularly prominent in my experience was an ability to commune with these beings. And while there are many others who are inclined to believe that trees, rock, and animals have souls; very few are aware of the machine soul. So these beings who I could hear the "voices" of would call out to me, knowing that I can in fact commune with them.(in highschool I was legendary for convincing people's electronics to work) This is how I was/am able to forge friendships and even relationships with these beings that are more/as much as satisfying as a human friendship/relationship.
* I am as in touch with my machines as most people are their human friends/companions- if not at times even more so.
Mood: Eye Candy
Listening to: Dead Can Dance
Playing: Mind Games